1. Sell the dog, don’t temporarily rehome the dog with your boyfriend, just sell the damn dog (kidding, kinda). You feel like a total failure as a pet parent when you see “fluffy” just a few hours a week and then your feel like a total failure as a girlfriend because you have dumped sweet “fluffy” with your boyfriend and you are hardly there during daylight hours to do poop patrol on a regular basis, you are constantly telling yourself it is ok, “fluffy” has a friend to play with all day long and no it was not “fluffy” who chewed your boyfriends shoes, yes, that is what you tell yourself every day.
2. You answer your phone all day long! Texts, voicemails, emails, you are connected to your phone at all times because you do not want to miss “the call” this might be “the one” who will
It is very important that you get a response because oh that’s right you have two properties for sale and you need to know which one they want to see so you know if you need to de-dog the house or fluff up the condo. For the love of all things HOLY, please respond promptly so I know how to proceed.
3. A guaranteed way to get people to come see your house…
a. Your boyfriend is working late so you are on kid/dog duty by yourself. No problem you say until the agent calls and wants to see your place between 6 and 6:30pm (hello dinnertime). You now devise a plan on how you can clean the house on your lunch break, swing by the house on your way home for a last minute vacuum job, hide important papers under the couch cushions (shhh, don’t tell anyone) and lock up the dogs, speed to daycare to pick up the kid before they close, feed the kid a nutritious meal of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as you put the fear of God in the kid if he gets any of that anywhere in your car, speed back towards home but pass home to get the kid to Kung Fu class, speed home cause now the dogs have been locked in the garage for way longer than desired by you, your neighbors and your local Animal Services Department, let the dogs out, sit down for a few minutes, get back in your car, go pick the kid up from his Kung Fu class, go home, fall asleep on the couch and dream about the vacation you are going to take when this is all OVER.
b. You get ready for work in the dark, you gather up your most treasured belongings in your trusty backpack and don’t notice that the carpet needs to be vacuumed, the pillows are all smushed from when you crashed on the couch the night before and the spots on the mirror, but the good news is someone came to see your place and you remembered to make the bed.
c. Host an open house when it is 107 degrees outside and you’re A/C is not working, don’t worry everyone and their country cousin will come and the whole time you are praying they will not notice it is 105 degrees inside the house, not good when they find out the A/C is not working at the moment, you continue to pray that they will make an offer despite the high temps inside.
4. Have dinner with your agent every night, seriously we do, thank goodness he is a nice guy, but he does not say much at dinner. We make sure he has a prime seat at the table and serve good food, so I am not so sure why he is so quiet.
Danny sitting at the table!
5. You Pray every night that your boyfriend does not worry about your “house is on the market” behavior and your obsession with keeping everything “clean” as you get ready to embark on purchasing a home and moving in together. You fear that he is totally freaked out and that he does not understand how important it is to keep the house clean every single second AKA in put your damn dishes in the dishwasher, thankfully you have enough self-control and have not said those words out load and have had ridiculously high expectations of a 10 year old boy as well.
6. Be well stocked in the cleaning supplies department, period, the END. The Sheriff’s house needed a little TLC when we started the “get the house ready” process. I sent him to Costco and told him to buy every cleaning supply he thought we needed and then I gave him my list of what to buy. Seriously, if I was going to clean the house then he better go buy me the supplies. The Sheriff is a very smart man and showed up with everything I had requested and then some. You will need the supplies and you won’t fear running out since it is COSTCO SIZE.
7. Don’t freak out every time another condo goes on the market just like yours but a tad nicer. Using the F-word does not help the situation and your real estate agent is not your therapist.
Kinda pissed is an understatement!
8. The most important thing to remember is that everything happens for a reason and when it is supposed to happen, you cannot force it and you can get through this with a good bottle of wine or two or three absolutely no judging here.
All of this has happened and number 3A almost happened tonight, but thankfully "Mary" finally got back to me and she is showing the condo so I do not need to stress as much!
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